Frat Turtle Twins - Dust

My thoughts

Eat Right

Telling people what to eat is easy. Daily, nutrition facts are bombarded into the homes of innocent American citizens. They serve as ammunition for the next health-related conversation held while sitting in a booth at McDonalds . Most of the time, these facts are passed on to one person eating a salad, to the next new salad-eater in less detail than the original source (which is either neglected or forgotten). People assign truth to what they agree with, until they agree with a conflicting point. They only share their "life-changing"  health secrets to tell other people to change their habits. What most people know about nutrition is only that supposedly true fact they heard last along with what they have been hearing their whole life.

Most salads are missing one vital ingredient that can change your life. Fruits & vegetables are essential to any salad, but they do not balance meals by themselves. A portion of animal protein can act as a personal trainer to those wimpy plants. American grown rats are delicious animals that have higher nutritional value than the traditional farm animals. They are chalk full of vitamins, ligaments, fur, & protein, all of which not only whip the plants in shape, but you as well. Once you start eating rat salads, you'll have a seemingly endless amount of energy for both physical and mental exercise, similar to patients that have a prescription for encapsulated sugar.

The overall hesitant behavior related to eating rats is pointless now due to advances in technology. Do not be mislead, to hesitate eating a creature that helped spread the Bubonic Plague is only natural. Yet, a disease of that class does not have the right to stop people from enjoying this irresistible meal. Technology sent a man to the moon over 40 years ago. Any avoidance of rats is merely a prolonged superstition. Yes, parasites are a more up-to-date problem with rats, as well as chicken, insects, water, or anything else delicious & edible. Diseases such as swine flu & mad cow disease only caused a hiccup in the sale of pork & beef. Contracting salmonella is still a risk when scooping up a chicken caesar salad. Why are people fearlessly putting themselves at risk when plants do not spread disease? Electronic thermometers can tell you when the meat is fully-cooked, vaccines prevent pandemics, & if all else fails, doctors can cure most food-borne illnesses.

Brave the new frontier of the sewers & take the best of what nature has to offer! Eat a rat salad today!

Frat Turtle Twins 2014 - ∞

The 2014 album by Frat Turtle Twins, "Anth", is free on their soundcloud.
Your digital copy includes a lyric book made available to anyone who emails us at digital.laxatives@gmail.com

In addition to the lyric book & the album, a music video is about to be uploaded. Here's a promo for now...



For those of us just now tuning in, Frat Turtle Twins is a Neo-Freeform-Folk-Rock band based in California. Their 2014 album, "Anth", is picking up speed in the Goth scene with prominent members such as Peter Smurphy making comments to the media claiming that "This album belongs in..." & that "['Anth'] is a piece...".

There's no need to put labels on this cutting-edge band that eats neo-anarchy for post-hardcore-breakfast & hits the studio harder & chiller than every other band residing inside sunny Southern California. Their love for freedom in musical structure translates into a mind-bending adventure for summer fun.
Hurrry up & stream it. It's free you know? No worries!
Soundcloud

Pharaohs Cape's Old Album

We heard the roar of the fans. Then we kept hearing it. Then we told it to shut up & when that didn't work we ignored it but still stressed about not satisfying our fans, so we made fake promises to get back to this eventually. By that time the roar sounded more like a ceiling fan. Well we're back now with an album review.

What do you want? Do you want to be happy? Maybe you want a purpose in life or Rat Salad merch? A lot of people want that stuff, so that makes you just like everyone else. Everyone else is great. Happiness is great & if you don't think it is, then good luck at parties dweeb.

Well whatever it is you want, Pharaohs Cape's 2014 album, Steve Spiros, can give it to you. This is a rock album that was cut from an ore of adamant, polished by the Valley Center Choir, & sold at Chick-fil-A's across the country. Legend has it that the album has the power to give people instant access to thousands of channels for a limited time only.

It gave everyone here in the office strange new abilities. That's when everyone just stopped working. We were busy trying to cope with not having access to thousands of channels after listening to "Steve Spiros". The transition from the enjoyment of the album to the disappointment of not having free TV was  too quick & it damaged our crew's mental health. It's similar to the damage done to someone's physical health when they switch from an extremely hot environment to an extremely cold one, or vice versa. We couldn't handle it. We were all left wandering around the office aimlessly in a state of shock & depression, which would have been easy to forget about if we had a way to impair our brains using flashing lights, irritating noises, & mindless jokes in order to lose the mental capacity to even remember our depression.

Our new abilities were not as entertaining as over a thousand channels would have been, but we tried to manage anyway. As we tried using telekinesis to fold & fire paper airplanes, we could not help but think about all the types of shows we were missing out on. It was after the last color in the office was copied onto Kirby's (of Pharoahs Cape) new chameleon skin that someone finally cracked from the repetitiveness & predictability of having a superpower. In his or her rage, the lights flashed on & off until the light bulbs suddenly exploded. No one in the office thought much of it because he or she had been having temper tantrums routinely.

Then, Cameron (of Pharoahs Cape) tripped over Kirby's body while he was on his way to the copy machine. He was shocked out of his previous state of shock & fumbled his way to the floor. He checked for a pulse. Kirby's body was still warm. There was no pulse. Cameron puked & hit the carpet face first, landing on his right temple causing his glasses to splash into his puke. Iain (of Indian Feet) turned around & found the two of them on the floor of his cubicle. Without hesitating, he dragged them to the cleaning supply closet. 

The rumors spread quickly around the water cooler & soon the police were interrogating Iain. The officers stopped interrogating him after a few minutes because they ended up becoming his newest friends. They talked for a few hours until their boss finally told them to get back to work. When Iain went back to the office the next day, we were a bit jumpy whenever he made a sudden movement. This made Iain furious & he shot fire out of his hands burning months of precious Rat Salad progress. The sprinklers went off, & the sopping wet Iain ran outside. There, he continued to shoot fire out of his hands scorching crops, world leaders, erotic lamp fixtures, & babies, until the foundation of every country's modern society crumbled.

This is also why we haven't posted since January but if you don't  believe us, then you can just eat us.

The Diet Plan

Scientists have discovered that only eating salads and rats is extremely beneficial. This diet will transform anyone carrying a few extra hundred pounds into a mid-to-late-thirties violently angry Samoan male. World leaders across the world in countries around the globe today at this time presently are agreeing to enforce this diet on citizens. Once the entire population is a screaming Samoan male, the world's problems will gradually disappear. The new diet will solve world hunger and the increase in violence will keep the population declining rapidly. Before long, humans will become extinct, leaving the earth to naturally repair itself from the damage dealt by pollution.
Save the earth. Eat Rat Salad.

Nü Band

The highly anticipated album by Soy Boys 49 is now available for a free download on their bandcamp!
They are our first band to be signed in 2014. Decide if they can compete with our veteran bands.

Upon listening to the album for the first time, I was overjoyed. Immediately, the anxieties of everyday life were brutally massacred with burning missiles delivered by the energetic, gleeful melodies. They beamed into the center of my brain, bringing light to a flawless world where every inch was incredibly fascinating. Without warning, another exuberant tune violently smashed my negative skull with one piercing blow, sending my mind spiraling through Wonderland. I laid on the ground trying to recover. Soy boys 49 showed me no mercy. They adorned cleats and proceeded to stomp the spikes into my flesh and drag their feet back towards themselves, shredding my swollen skin open. My guts rushed out onto the floor. I felt the warmth of my vital organs exit my body and wrap my hollowed soul like a damp blanket. I focused my eyes to look at the mess. Then, I realized what it meant. Every ounce of abhorrence, hatred, and hostility had been drained from me. I was free.
Soy boys 49 cleansed my character allowing me to transcend to the mental state of a hedonistic monk. Eternal bliss.
My new-found happiness motivated me to establish justice. With an unwavering smile I brought Soy Boys 49 to court to have them convicted for attempted murder. They were both found guilty and sentenced to serve twenty years in prison without parole.

More Promotion

Soy Boyz 49
coming soon...

New Dude Guyz Rad music video
"Thrash" Directed by Shūsuke Kaneko and animated by BONES


Thanks Shūsuke!

For those of you who have yet to enjoy a home-cooked meal in the new year, we have prepared new music for you.

Thank You

It is our audience that makes us incredible. Thank you for making Rat Salad Records an official work of art.

Also.

Garth

 

Coming Soon...

Rattical

Rat Salad. 

       A genius?

                     The ocean?

                                Shinigami? 

It does not matter. Rat Salad has everything you need. Listen to Rat Salad Records for ten days straight, then do not listen to any music. You can suddenly hear the daily instruments of the faucet and the garbage disposal that collaborate together on the soundtrack for the day. Through education, the Company has managed to develop its music to match the perfection of scientific laws.

Learning is fun.

Forget About the New Year

There is new Trash Face on their bandcamp.

The guitarist and singer of Trash Face had a near death experience when he was the victim of a car accident.

Exactly 8 years ago today he was flung face-first into a bus through the window of his mother’s minivan. He was in the ICU for a week before he was healthy enough to leave. Countless, and seemingly endless, surgeries had been performed on him during the majority of his stay. At the end of the week one surgery was left, but an interval of 7-10 years was required in between the thousands of surgeries he had already survived. He rented a 4 by 10 room separated by sheets during this time. People rarely visited him. This left him with all the time in the world to think about himself. He observed his bodily functions often which became the inspiration for the last 2012 Trash Face album entitled “Dos Graves”.

When 8 years passed, bringing us to this year, Drew passed the physical that approved him for the operation. He should have not been approved. His body had been so heavily sedated that his tolerance to the anesthetic made it impossible for him to be operated on comfortably. The doctor’s did not care about comfort and cut into him anyway exactly like that one song by Slayer. The pain became the inspiration for the last 2013 album by Trash Face entitled “Dos Graves Otra Vez”. 

SALADSTOCK 2013

Thanks to all the bands that made Saladstock 2013 possible.

Sic One, Trash Face, Duracell, Buckley, Sweatshop, Dude Guyz Rad, Indian Feet, Coke Candy, Someone’s Pants, Sweet Beatz, Franky Muniz, Goblinhood, Pharaohs Cape, Man Flesh, Casey, Cool Hot Puncs, I Am Moonface, Divisions, Demolition_Kirby, Frat Turtle Twins, Cam_Deal, Negative Creep, Rice Beard, Indie Anna Jones, Clam, Angus 

From Sic One to Angus it was progressively worse, but it was pretty cool. It kinda felt like something out of this world

Here at Rat Salad Records we know finals can be stressful. Luckily, Frat Turtle Twins have new music and a new video. Take a break or two and listen, watch, enjoy. xoxoxox

Their Stupid Ugly Soundcloud 

 

Rat Salad Corollary

 

Rat Salad Records wants you to listen to good music. Anything on the label, even Angus, is better than some of this garbage.

4 the Fans

We want to thank you for the incredible support and enthusiasm for Trash Face's new album "Super Saiyan". We could not do it without all of you.

We know that you are thinking "I listen to Rat Salad every day and know all the words, but what else can I do to support these guys because they are so cool and I want to look like them so girls will like me". The answer is simple. Write us a heartfelt letter. If you do not know exactly what to write about because you just find the English language limits your true admiration and love for us, we have a few suggestions. 

Try finishing some of these sentences to get started.

I love Rat Salad Records because...

I listen to Trash Face every day of my life because...

Pharaohs Cape is ok I guess, if you're into that kind of thing since...

Every band needs to fill my insatiable desire to hear more music or else...

Then once you finish writing your essay (10 page minimum) put a stamp on that and send it through the almighty US Postal Service to 1407 Graymalkin Lane, Salem Center You know. In the town of North Salem. It's in the very northeast corner of Westchester County, New York

November Never Felt So Good

Trash Face flew to the top of the charts with the release of "Super Saiyan", as expected.

Our success is out of this world.

Speaking of the heavens, November is the month of The Nicolas Cage. His best movies need to be viewed during this sacred amount of time based off arbitrary measurements of the sun and later set to account for a certain number of vibrations, in a near-incomprehensibly tiny block of matter, with the atomic clock.Blessed is he who follows His wise commands and seeks his direction.

On a more serious note, the United States economy is forcing aggressive competition on companies even at our size. When you have a monopoly like us, you have to continue fighting off punks who think they have a shot at taking the champion's belt away from you. Right now, we have to smother this infant "nontraditional store" with The Pillow of Animosity. These unprofessional slackers think they can muscle their way into fortune, without having the muscles to achieve it. They try to sully the great name of The Company with their weak business etiquette, awkward adolescent promotion video, and blatant disregard for the real company. To make things worse, they also are based in New York, which means they will take our customers away from us through brainwashing them to believe we do not exist. We exist. We have our store. It is them who will not have theirs anymore. Visit us at 1407 Graymalkin Lane, Salem Center, you know in the town of North Salem, it's in the very northeast corner of Westchester County, New York. When you walk in, say to someone behind the counter the words, "I have flammable materials" and we will take you behind the scenes to discuss how to ruin these jabronis.

Here are the jabronis 

The First Strike of Lightning

Yes brothers and sisters. It's what we have all been waiting for. We have all been patiently waiting for this more than the expectation of using that phrase to illustrate how long it has taken for this to happen. You guessed it. It's "Super Saiyan" the new album by Trash Face. 

Our Music is a response to a need, not a desire

To Our Fans, For Our Heroes

 

We recently added another member to our video production department and he became a hero. 

We can't take the time to recognize these heroes properly or even list them all. 

You

Should

Watch 

Some 

of 

These 

Videos 

 

New Band

Frat Turtle Twins
Just check out their page on the top tabs or their soundcloud
or their bandcamp

Movie Night

If you are a traditional person, as we all are here in The Company, you like great songs, long walks on the beach, and movies. And just like everyone else, we are talking about Rat Salad Records, half marathons on the beach, and Nicolas Cage movies. These are all positive life-improving ways to spend long amount of time, but right now, as your brain processes differing waves of light to distinguish familiar shapes from a seemingly blank-white screen manipulated by your eyes, flipping the image vertically only to be flipped upright again, so that you can read and, in a different process, comprehend, you might be looking for something else to do.
Short Films are the best.
This nice lady can talk to a rat.







Oh and rat balls.com

It's Fall Pooch

Along with the changes in weather, you can expect to see changes in Rat Salad. Like a lightning bolt, we will strike destructively, swiftly, and fatally. The black clouds that accumulate into impressive floating masses, towering

beyond a single perspective, act as the only warning

for the imminent downpour. We are the clouds. 

Our music will branch out and electrify, seemingly,

empty space. Not every discharge will reach you,

but within every angle is a force that is, of course, deadly.
The ideas have condensed and assembled in the atmosphere.

This is the calm before the storm.

There is seriously a bunch of stuff in the making, at one stage or another. As Trash Face lays the foundation for the album that is four unrecorded albums away, every band (that is not disbanded) keeps writing more. 

We're looking at you Dude Guyz Rad

 

New stuff this fall from pretty much everyone else. Or at least one band. Honestly, I just hope someone will figure it out because I'm obviously procrastinating by making this tackle and using unfit words I find in the Thesaurus.

Tuesday Two's Day Tu Es Diem

Day 8:
Many of my co-workers are unresponsive. They fail to execute commands and progress has been slowed. Worst of all, Ctrl+Alt+Delete does not do anything to solve the problem. I can fix it, but I have cheese and the bubonic plague on my mind. No one has discovered that I am a rat, yet.

Boehner has his suspicions but he does not have a shred of solid evidence.

To distract him I'll give away more awards. 

The Trophy Tuesday goes to...

Sifl and Olly for best sock for the best drama-romantic-talkshow-televison cinema in America.