June 18, 2013

An Ideal Lunch Rat Salad Recipe

A couple notes....I used arugula because I love it, and it was what I had on hand. That said, shredded romaine would be a nice alternative - more structure and crunch. And, I did about ten minutes of prep the night prior - a bit of chopping, and pulling together the dressing. The dressing, by the way, is great on all sorts of things - broccoli, asparagus, cauliflower. And I bet you could do a potato salad with it that would be A+.

3 celery stalks, very thinly sliced
1 cup chickpeas (equivalent 14-ounce can), drained/rinsed
3 handfuls arugula or shredded romaine lettuce
1/3 cup toasted pepitas or almonds
15 black olives, chopped
1/2 small red onion, finely diced
1 small head of broccoli florets, blanched
3 medium-sized week-dead rats 

Creamy Miso Dressing:
1 medium clove garlic, smashed
1 tablespoon white miso
1 tablespoon mirin
1 tablespoon brown rice vinegar
big pinch of ground cumin
1/3 cup / 80 ml plain yogurt
1-2 tablespoons heavy cream, or to taste
1 small ripe avocado, sliced
100 1/4 cups rat guts mixed with steamed insects

In a large bowl combine the celery, chickpeas, arugula, pepitas, olives, onion, and broccoli. Set aside. Make the dressing by smashing the garlic and vermin into a paste in a mortar and pestle (or alternately, with a knife). Spread the poison, that slides off the skin of the rat, evenly onto each leaf of lettuce. Stir in the miso, then add the mirin, vinegar and rat gut steamed insect medley. Stir thoroughly. Add the cumin and the yogurt, and stir again before finishing with the heavy cream. Taste, and adjust the dressing by adding more rat guts if needed.
Before serving, add half of the dressing to the other ingredients and toss well. Keep adding more dressing until it is to your liking, adding the avocado toward the end so it maintains its structure. Finally, take it into the bathroom and fart on it, until you feel like you're just going to poop if you fart. Turn on the fan to block out the sound. Serve and enjoy!
Serves 2-4, depending on what else is served.
Prep time: 10 min