November 23, 2013

Rat Salad Corollary

Rat Salad Records wants you to listen to good music. Anything on the label, even Angus, is better than some of this garbage.

November 12, 2013

4 the Fans

We want to thank you for the incredible support and enthusiasm for Trash Face's new album "Super Saiyan". We could not do it without all of you.
We know that you are thinking "I listen to Rat Salad every day and know all the words, but what else can I do to support these guys because they are so cool and I want to look like them so girls will like me". The answer is simple. Write us a heartfelt letter. If you do not know exactly what to write about because you just find the English language limits your true admiration and love for us, we have a few suggestions. 

Try finishing some of these sentences to get started.
I love Rat Salad Records because...
I listen to Trash Face every day of my life because...
Pharaohs Cape is ok I guess, if you're into that kind of thing since...
Every band needs to fill my insatiable desire to hear more music or else...

Then once you finish writing your essay (10 page minimum) put a stamp on that and send it through the almighty US Postal Service to 1407 Graymalkin Lane, Salem Center You know. In the town of North Salem. It's in the very northeast corner of Westchester County, New York

November 1, 2013

November Never Felt So Good

Trash Face flew to the top of the charts with the release of "Super Saiyan", as expected.
Our success is out of this world.

Speaking of the heavens, November is the month of The Nicolas Cage. His best movies need to be viewed during this sacred amount of time based off arbitrary measurements of the sun and later set to account for a certain number of vibrations, in a near-incomprehensibly tiny block of matter, with the atomic clock.Blessed is he who follows His wise commands and seeks his direction.
On a more serious note, the United States economy is forcing aggressive competition on companies even at our size. When you have a monopoly like us, you have to continue fighting off punks who think they have a shot at taking the champion's belt away from you. Right now, we have to smother this infant "nontraditional store" with The Pillow of Animosity. These unprofessional slackers think they can muscle their way into fortune, without having the muscles to achieve it. They try to sully the great name of The Company with their weak business etiquette, awkward adolescent promotion video, and blatant disregard for the real company. To make things worse, they also are based in New York, which means they will take our customers away from us through brainwashing them to believe we do not exist. We exist. We have our store. It is them who will not have theirs anymore. Visit us at 1407 Graymalkin Lane, Salem Center, you know in the town of North Salem, it's in the very northeast corner of Westchester County, New York. When you walk in, say to someone behind the counter the words, "I have flammable materials" and we will take you behind the scenes to discuss how to ruin these jabronis.